Taking Stock: I'm Finding My (Artist's) Way

When I committed to this process in October, I thought I was just looking for the means to a more productive focus on my particular creative expression—sewing. I recognized that mine was more than a pursuit of "craft," and I was curious to understand how it becomes "art."

Through the initial work, I soon realized I lacked focus in other parts of my life. I was in a distracted, dreary place of anxiety about loved ones, beset with attention to their needs, while having been inattentive to my own physical and psychic well-being for too long. The Artist's Way study has reminded me that my internal life--relationships, leisure pursuits, artistic efforts, self-esteem, meditation--is a symbiotic patchwork, each block stitched to another, each enhancing or discordant with the others. Sometimes I get a crazy quilt life, but with some focus, occasionally I can get a nice symmetry. Today I am closer to my old self than I have been in a long time.

I'm seeing the world more completely. I use my camera often, try working with new media, and hunger to learn new techniques. I am expanding my imagination and appreciation of heretofore unfamiliar artistic expression. I am learning to play again, and I'm having fun!

I'm recognizing synchronicity, and beginning to question whether it's really simple randomness that conspires to create it. I may even have begun to count on it. I'm experiencing the best benefits of synchronicity I could hope for: children whose lives are working well for them right now, which allowed me to stop the worry and then facilitated creating a dedicated sewing room I'm learning to call "studio" and "playroom."

I've set in motion steps to help my exterior reflect my interior renewal: White Strips, a new skin care regimen (and people are noticing) and letting my hair grow a bit for a more feminine look. I am planning a little surgical improvement of my eyes in the spring. (The wonderful surgeon says I look "tired and sad" and she's right. I want my new state of mind to be reflected in my face.) I eat better (still don't get enough sleep—my mind is too full of new ideas), and I use the new treadmill, sporadically, but regularity will come in time.

I'm learning to recognize and stop the procrastination behaviors that separate me from the joy of sewing.

I watch for opportunities to support and actively encourage creativity in others.

I wake each day with anticipation instead of resignation.

Much of the former frustration has been replaced with new satisfaction and enjoyment of the life I'm living right now. The grumpy husband isn't so grumpy, and maybe that's because neither am I now.

I've loved meeting and getting to know you women, and I hope we will continue to reach out and touch. Each of you has given me something to ponder, some way to look at something in a different way. You are inspirational and I treasure the energy you've passed my way.