Thanksgiving at our house this year was a regular festival of discovery:
1. That the brand-new Sony SurroundSound system will not shuffle the carefully selected CD mix. (It will shuffle one CD--what genius came up with that feature?)
2. That Leslie and Dennis are having a new baby in July. They delivered this news to me in private just before the other guests arrived. I promptly burst into tears and never really recovered the rest of the day. This is wonderful news and I am ashamed my tears are not tears of joy. Leslie has a medical condition that makes pregnancy not the safest event for her. I adore being a grandmother but I am a mother first, and I will spend the next 6 months worrying about her. (And I could also kill her for completely unhinging me just before my guests arrived!)
3. That when buying a holiday turkey, one must be sure the Swift's Butterball breasts aren't "Cajun-flavored" of all ghastly things! (On my right, 80-year-old Mother says, "Something on my plate has set my mouth on fire!" and on my left, 3-year-old Ella who has been coaxed into trying it says, "Dis turkey is spicey!") Talk about foul fowl. It got thrown in the trash.
4. That Lee Ann's young man has everything but the white horse. He is wonderful--perfect for her. My husband liked him, and as he pointed out, the most important thing about this young man is that he so clearly loves my daughter. It is lovely to watch their story unfold. They are 32 and I think they have truly been waiting for each other. (He confessed he's had a crush on her for a long time. He took her to an 8th grade dance many years ago, and she didn't even remember him when they met again a few weeks ago!)
So what put me in a funk? A horrible turkey and a lousy CD player? All the work for a meal that wasn't enjoyable? The reading deprivation that was concurrent with everything else going on last week? Worry about the health of one daughter, and seeing the other daughter's happy life unfolding maybe means I won't be needed so much? The baton of youth and life-building have been passed, just as they should be. But I miss those years when I was young and building a life.
After a couple of days of processing all this news, my glass is looking half-full again. The rhythm of life is resumed and I turn to thoughts of summer layettes and weddings. The beat goes on.
(BTW, these discoveries are listed as they occured, not in order of importance!)
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11 comments:
It's tough to accept the stages of life that are forced on us sometimes. I'll be 51 in a few weeks and I remember standing in the shower on my 35th birthday and crying more tears than the shower was making. I guess I thought 35 was the turning point--turning into what, I'm not sure. An older friend called that day and just laughed. She was in her 50s at the time.
Wes kids me that he can no longer say, "My wife is 50" now he has to say, "in her 50s".
I still feel 35 (on a good morning) even though my son is not in elementary school like he was when I was 35!
Change is good, I suppose. You really can't fight it.
I have also learned to "go With the flow" more too . . .trying to orchestrate everything is a pain in the butt.
Yeah, I'm usually pretty easy-going. I am known for being able to roll with the punches. But I felt like I'd been on a roller coaster (not a treat for this gal) by nightfall. Just some of the signposts of life--good ones to be sure. But I heard the whisper anyway, "Time's afleeing!" Thanks for the comforting words, my friend.
Oh Jane Ann, I'm so glad that the 'blue funk' is starting to fade for you. I can relate although in completely different areas. I think the importance here is that you realized where these feelings were coming from ....and I have no doubt that you'll come to terms with them. You're a strong and wise woman. :o)
Honestly! You gals are a sweet bunch. Thanks for the kind words, but I probably need a kick in the pants more than kindness! I'm fine. Went to my Sit & Sew today and the gals in that group too have a way of putting things in perspective. As I said, I'm looking toward making sweet baby things now that the surprise has settled in.
Cajun-flavor turkey breast? I didn't know Butterball made such an animal - but I would love it! I'll have to look for it the next time I'm at the grocery store. If there's any possibility of spicing a food up with chiles or whatever, I'm likely to try it - chipotle is my current favorite flavor and I got some powdered chipotle this summer in Chimayo so I add it to many things I make - most recently the lentil soup I made Monday night. But I tried to think about my own family if I served a Cajun turkey breast -- my Dad's response would have been much like your mother's - or mother-in-law's?
I remember the reaction of a friend of mine when her daughter told her she was pregnant -- her daughter also had a medical condition that made pregnancy a very dangerous prospect. Billie was worried sick about her for the entire pregnancy. In her case, things turned out fine - I'll hold a good thought that your daughter stays healthy throughout. I'll bet you are looking forward to making baby clothes - I loved sewing for my nieces when they were little.
Uh, Pat, can I FedEx you some left-over turkey? Take my word for it, it was awful. Unanimous opinion except for the one brother-in-law no one can stand (because he has this oppositional personality)! It literally got flung in the trash. If you think it sounds delish, picture eating it with dressing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, cranberries, et al. Gross comes nowhere close. People were swilling iced tea by the glassful!
Yeah, I'm just going to trust Leslie's wonderful doctor who gave us a healthy baby and healthy mother once before. And focus on making some sweet baby things. Another girl would thrill us, but a boy would be the first one born into my mother's family in 99 years! What on earth would we do with him? Ruin him, no doubt.
I have to admit Cajun turkey sounds horrible with sweet potatoes. . . but I don't really like sweet potatoes anyway! Now mashed potatoes? Could be good. Seriously, I'll take your word on it that it wasn't good and not waste my money on the Butterball version, but I do think I could like the right Cajun turkey! As for the brother-in-law no one likes because he has an oppositional personality - LOL! - in my family it would be hard to decide which oppositional personality to take exception to! We all turned out more like my dad than my mother in that department.
You mentioned Paula Nadelstern's kaleidoscope quilts in Rian's blog. My friend Becky, who is math- and detail-oriented has made several kaleidosope blocks based on Paula's book - I marvel at the intricacy but never thought it was something I would attempt. The AZ Quilters Guild had Paula speak at this year's fall meeting and she also taught a number of classes around the state. Becky wanted to take a class, so Caren and I joined her for her Needle Stars class. It was still much more complicated than Stack & Whack, but she had simplified her process somewhat compared to the kaleidoscope book. I only got one block made in the class - and it may be the only one I ever get made - but it sure is pretty. I'd like to make 3 more and at least have enough for a small wallhanging. It remains to be seen whether I'll ever actually do that though.
I think the mom instinct trumps the grandma instinct for a lot of people. I know it does for my mother. (oh, and the Dad one trumps grandpa for my dad, too, just ask my kids!)
It sounds like you are picking yourself up by the bootstraps and going on. Good for you.
I cannot imagine that the Sony surround sound system will not shuffle all the cds. What a pain! I'll look for that feature if I buy one. Thanks for the heads up.
Jules, no kidding re: the Sony sound system. I'm no dummy at stuff like that, and I couldn't believe what the manual said: that it would shuffle ONE CD. When the oppositional BIL got there, I handed him the manual and the remote control (he's the family gearhead, so sometimes he serves a useful purpose). He's a Sony freak and assured me I was wrong (there's that oppositional streak), until he sat down and fiddled with it.
Ya just wouldn't think you'd have to LOOK to be sure that feature was on the system, just as ya wouldn't think you'd have to LOOK to be sure it's a plain ole turkey. Ah, the mysteries of life!
I know that this is no where in the same ballpark as finding out about your daughter but the night that the Corvette was delivered and my little Lexus drove off, I couldn't stop crying. Wes was so hurt because he thought I would be more than excited to get the Corvette but I just wanted my Lexus. I wasn't ready for the change. I am sure you were not ready for your daughter's news either.
I remember how disappointed and hurt I was when I was first pregnant with Will, my first son, & when I told my mom, she said, "What? I am too young to be a grandmother! How could you?" She was going through a real vain time in her life and I never thought having a baby would affect her in that way. It really took the starch out of my wings.
So, I hope you can at least "fake" excitement until you become excited. One of the things I learned in therapy is to walk the walk and talk the talk & eventually you can do both like you mean it even if you couldn't at first.
We are all here to encourage you!
You're so right, Debra. Keep saying it and soon it will be true (what Julia Cameron is trying to tell us, I think).
MY mother is famous for responding unkindly when one of us announces we are pregnant. (You understand that's the general "we", doncha?) I'd been married 5+ years when she learned I was pregant with her first grandchild. Total shock: "I didn't know you were even THINKING of such a thing! I thought you were going to raise DOGS!" HER mother had hair-raising pregnancies (back in pre-antibiotic days) and believed it was truly "the valley of the shadow of death," so my pique with myself is that I am continuing this beastly family tradition. (Footnote: I let her have it 12 years ago when she was unkind to baby sister when she announced her first pregnancy, and it must have taken root. When she heard Leslie's news on Thanksgiving, she grinned and shouted "whoopee", etc. I was as stunned by her as I had been by the Cajun turkey!)
I am fine now, trying to focus on "Flicker" (the name Leslie's husband gave this little embryo when they saw the ultrasound and heard a faint heartbeat last week), and not on his/her mom. Sometimes it takes me a few beats to process changes, and this is no different. Evidently the other grandmother was even more astonished than I was.
I love this group.
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